Penultimate Mom Update

Hi Everyone,

I wrote the next section of this email yesterday morning while I was out at my folks' house:
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I'm sitting at the kitchen table at my parent's house. Mom is sorting her pills into her light blue SMTWTFS pill box. You know the type… My dad's sitting next to me at the table waiting for enough energy to return to take a trip to the store to pick up some water and a prescription for mom.

My updates to you folks have been few, lately, so I want to bring you up-to-date.

In early December, the docs found that Mom's cancer - in her left lung - had grown. Meaning that it didn't respond to the chemo and radiation therapies in the way that we'd hoped it would. She also had fluid in her lungs - pneumonia - and has been dealing with that since long before December. The docs offered the option of more chemo which they said had about a fifteen percent chance of helping. Mom, being a fighter, chose to undergo that treatment.

After that course of chemo was almost done - I think that there were a couple weeks of treatment planned - she coughed up some blood which prompted the doc to get another CT scan done. The blood was due to one of the other problems (pneumonia/infection/emphysema - I don't recall) but not due to the cancer. However, the tumor had grown - the chemo was not helping. She chose not to continue that treatment. This was just a week ago.

So, now there really is nothing more to do for her except to help her feel more comfortable. She continues to weaken, so her greatest need is rest. Appetite-wise, she is doing all right. Not ravenous by any means, but we are finding stuff that she'll eat.

She has resisted suggestions of getting hospice care, but I think that it won't be long before she sees that as a good option. She's pretty stubborn (it
does tend to run in the family), and does not want to be anywhere else but in her home. Who can blame her? Fortunately the hospice options up here are pretty varied - they'll help out whether the patient is at home, in the hospital, nursing home. The organization that we like the best, so far, has an option for the patient to be in a hospice-owned, home-like environment. And that location is just about ten miles from where my parents' house is.

Dad still occasionally has some sharp pains on the left side of his face due to his bout with shingles - but it is much more manageable for him than it was just a few weeks ago. The main problem with dad is that he is terribly exhausted and doesn't sleep well. Doing just some minor physical activity around the house wears him out, and it's really frustrating for him. My dad is one of the most stereotypical "independent male" guys I know. For him to be so hindered for so long (the shingles started back in October) is really aggravating to him. The docs can't find any cause for his condition. My take on it is that it is all stress-related.

My sister-in-law, Joyce, has been a god-send. She's the wife of my oldest brother, John, and they live about 20 minutes away, in Downers Grove. She's one of those people who can talk your ear off, and is as persistent as anyone can be! She has been a primary interface to the docs and has spent loads of time researching hospice and other care options. Without her, this whole process would have been way, WAY more difficult.

So, with mom needing assistance to do just about anything at home, and Dad being as worn-out as he is (and, consequently, is not often in any kind of condition to drive a car), we need to have one of us (John, Joyce, one of their kids, or me) here overnight, every night, until either dad's condition improves drastically, or we can find some in-home help.
I came out and stayed last night, but Joyce and the rest of their family have been here a lot over the last week. And all of us have had a cold of some sort, too. When it rains, …

As for the future, mom's going to have a blood transfusion on Tuesday. We're hoping that will perk her up a bit. She's pretty anemic at the moment. But the more pressing need is to make a decision regarding getting some help for her in the house - whether that's hospice, a nurse, or a Chippendale dancer .

As for me, I'd say that my reaction is pretty much easy to predict: It is really hard to see my folks in this condition. The tears come regularly. Assisting them is not difficult, physically, but rips me up inside. I want my dad to be the guy that he was when I was a kid. I want him to be able to take care of all of mom's needs. Of course, he wants to be able to take care of her, too. Another part of me wants to be past all of this crap. Another part knows that being here, and feeling all of this is not only important, but part and parcel of life. The hardest part is knowing that mom is nervous and scared inside. My brothers and sisters-in-law have the kind or relationship with her where they have been able to talk with her about some of the more deep, family and spiritual stuff. But, of course, only mom and God know how firm and strong her faith and beliefs are. I do know that spirituality was not something that was passed on to my brothers and me from my parents. They've never been much for attending church, or (especially in my dad's case) admitting to themselves or anyone else that they need anything that they can't provide for themselves.

So, mom's not ready to face death, but her body is pressing her on.
My greatest hope comes from the fact that I want her to feel comfortable, inside, with this whole transition, and that this is the area that all of our prayers work best. Please pray for her and my dad's physical condition. But please also pray for mom's peace of mind, faith and hope.

On a more positive note, my life here - in every other area - is wonderful. The job is going really well, and the folks there are all aware that I'm the greatest thing since the invention of the horseless carriage. I'm keeping to my commitment to myself to not commit to anything besides work and family and spending a lot of time doing nothing. It turns out that I was a lot more burned out with extracurriculars in College Station than I'd realized. Consequently, I'm not involved in any theatre, church, or music-making of any kind (with the occasional exception of sitting at my piano and noodling around for a while). And I won't be involved in any of those things until something inside compels me to do so.

Lastly, my dear friends, please feel free to share this info with anyone who is interested. I've rarely asked for prayers from anyone, but this is a rare time. Thank you so much for your love, prayers and support.

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After I wrote that, yesterday, mom had as good and comfortable a day as one could expect, I think. By the evening, she perked up nicely - probably because she was able to rest and sleep several times during the day. While the football games were going on, Dad and I made some Economides-standard cookies (Mandel Bread - a jewish recipe that my mom got from some neighbor-friends a long time ago when they lived in the city). We had to get Mom-approval every step of the way, and, consequently, had a great batch of these great cookies. The best thing about these is that they're not terribly sweet - and have raisins and almonds in them. *Great* with coffee... Y'all come up for a visit and give them a try. But if you wait too long, we'll have to make another batch.

When I left to come back to my home last night, I was feeling better about the situation. I guess making cookies can do a lot of good for the soul.

Peace,
Theo