"Really Smart" versus "Thinks Just Like Me"

If I indulge in the Sin of Pride it is where intelligence is concerned. I think I'm a smart M*therf*cker - have for a long while. I don't take full responsibility for my attitude about my brains, though. I had a good deal of brainy-praise from teachers as a kid, and I had relatively good grades in school: A Pretty Solid B+ Kid. I had confirmation of my braininess in other forms, too. I definitely was a geek in my school days (I still am, but am now tempered somewhat by other, less geeky, interests... and tact). There was no doubt about it - President of the AV Club (Jr. High), President of the Amateur Radio Club, and Chief Engineer of the radio station (H.S.). Hell, I think I even actually joined the Math Club once. I was definitely into computers.

My dad always told me that, "You could be an A student, if you wanted to be." Apparently just having the knowledge that I could be an A student was enough for me. "The difference between someone who is an A student and someone who could be isn't brains, it's motivation," I preached to myself. As long as I had the brains, I was OK with not having the motivation.

I made it through my undergrad time in college in a fairly tough field, at a fairly tough university without having to work too hard. And, once again, I was A Pretty Solid B+ Man. I even continued on in the same discipline at the same university to get my Masters. Now, that was a challenge. And, again, A Pretty Solid B+ Man.

Even in my full-time career work (at the same university, again!) I was the Go-To Guy when it came to my areas of expertise, and I again got no small confirmation of My Smartness.

So, perhaps you'll understand the presence of a little pride on my part - I guess I always have. . .

My purpose for going into all of this really isn't to toot my own horn. Rather, it's important for you to know how I thought about myself if you are to get the earth-shatteringness of the question hinted at in the title of this entry.

This is how my little Ego World started to unfurl.

Only once or twice in my life in my adult years in Texas, and once or twice since I moved to Chicago, had I met a peer who I really, really felt was as smart as me in job-related stuff: An honest-to-goodness peer. Someone whom I felt had at least as much competence in the issue-at-hand as I did. I never gloated about it; never felt it made me superior as a person. But whenever I found one of these peers, it was so refreshing! When we worked together, there was such a buzz in the air as we grooved our thought waves together! We had a kind of geek "vibe" buzzing through the ether between us.

If you hang out with anyone long enough, you begin to see their flaws. This is no new wisdom, certainly. So, over time, I began to find some chinks in the armor of these smarty-peers. Well into my adulthood, in the process of learning that they're "just human," I began to learn the same thing about myself. Dammit. As Life forced me to acknowledge that there really are loads of things that I don't know (I'd given plenty of lip service to that idea without believing it, really) I began to wonder how Smart I really was. I think it was then that I finally passed out of that "know-it-all teenager" phase. Hmm . . .

So if I was not so smart, how smart could these people that I thought were so smart actually be? I mean, after all, our brainwaves "grooved."

Could it be that I just thought they were smart because they thought so much like me? Was that why there was such a groove? Because I was smart, that meant that they were smart, too. Well, now that I'm not so smart, what does that make them???

Earth.

Shattered.

Suddenly, everything's not so shiny.

. . .

That revelation hit me long enough ago that I have been able to put my life mostly back together, but not so long ago that I'm not still terribly humbled by it. I think it's OK to admit that I'm pretty good at the few things that I do well. But this psychological crash revelation helps me to feel a whole lot more connected to everyone around me.

. . .

I have to believe, though, that I actually have met some folks who both Think Like Me, and are also Really Smart.