In Which the Light Saber Ends the Trilogy Before It Begins
Luke Skywalker comes back to consciousness in Ben Kenobi’s cave somewhere out in the desert of Tatooine. He’d just gotten the crap knocked out of him by a Sand Person while out looking for that ornery ‘droid, R2D2. Ben tended to the unconscious Luke until he woke up, and then began to give him a wee history lesson about the old Jedi order, Luke’s father, Ben’s relationship to him, and so on.
Familiar scene. We’ve all seen it. But while watching it, again, a couple years ago a thought came to me.
Ben hands Anakin Skywalker’s old light saber to Luke. It’s clear that Ben thought Luke had never seen one before (or, at least, that the audience had never seen one - sometimes exposition for the sake of the audience really annoys me). He pronounced “Light Saber” with such enunciation as to send a happy chill up the spine and down again of your high school drama teacher. With the Jedi all but gone, the rubes on Tatooine certainly hadn’t seen one in decades, if ever. Blasters were all the rage, after all.
There’s no warning to Luke to be careful. No mention of how it works or what it does. Does Luke have any clue? The scene sets it up as if he doesn’t. So, what happens next? While Ben is talking, Luke hits the “on” button, and out pops the It-Can-Fuck-Up-Anything light blade. Luke swishes the thing around in front of him with a “whooooaaaa” look on his face.
Now, in my mind, for that scene to be believable, it would need to go something like this:
What if the boy had that light saber pointed at his belly when he had hit the switch? What if it had been aimed at R2D2, or Ben?
Yeah. End Of Scene.
Familiar scene. We’ve all seen it. But while watching it, again, a couple years ago a thought came to me.
Ben hands Anakin Skywalker’s old light saber to Luke. It’s clear that Ben thought Luke had never seen one before (or, at least, that the audience had never seen one - sometimes exposition for the sake of the audience really annoys me). He pronounced “Light Saber” with such enunciation as to send a happy chill up the spine and down again of your high school drama teacher. With the Jedi all but gone, the rubes on Tatooine certainly hadn’t seen one in decades, if ever. Blasters were all the rage, after all.
There’s no warning to Luke to be careful. No mention of how it works or what it does. Does Luke have any clue? The scene sets it up as if he doesn’t. So, what happens next? While Ben is talking, Luke hits the “on” button, and out pops the It-Can-Fuck-Up-Anything light blade. Luke swishes the thing around in front of him with a “whooooaaaa” look on his face.
Now, in my mind, for that scene to be believable, it would need to go something like this:
- BEN: This was your father's LighT SabER, a weapon from a more civilized . . .
[Sound effect of light saber being energized]
LUKE: HOLY-MUTHERFUCKIN-SHIT-WHAT-THE-HELL!?!?!?
[He drops it.]
BEN: Dammit kid! Did I TELL you to turn it the FUCK on??? That thing will sever a storm trooper’s armor-shielded Johnson without thinking twice about it! Pick that up, and don’t touch the ON switch until I TELL you!
What if the boy had that light saber pointed at his belly when he had hit the switch? What if it had been aimed at R2D2, or Ben?
Yeah. End Of Scene.
Labels: fuck, inconsistency, movie
posted by The O at
4:30 PM
1 Comments:
Personally I would have been looking right at the top of it when I flipped it on.
It would be like a scene from Alice in Wonderland. Off with his head!
I think that would have improved Star Wars... Though I'm a geek, I'm not a fan of the series... If you want to watch 70s sci-fi, I think Alien is a much better movie.
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