Germantown Baker

When I'd decided to persue moving away from College Station - with vengeance - I also decided to try to prepare the way to Portland in more than one way: I started to explore online personals ads for guys that live there. I started out with the web site for the Portland Mercury newspaper; a somewhat irreverant, satiristic paper that I discovered during my last trip to Portland (www.portlandmercury.com). I figured that people who read that paper, and who put up their personal ads would be my kind of people. The personals section was powered by SSN Personals (they've since changed how they do them, and don't use SSN any more). Well I found a few interesting guys there. There was even one who responded favorably when I sent him a message, but who stopped responding soon thereafter.

The personals have a link for finding matches based on one's own profile - rather than on parameters that one can type in. So, for grins, I hit that link and came up with a bunch of personals ads from all over the country. And, of course, there were a few interesting ones there. One of them was for a guy in Germantown, WI. The picture was cute; his responses to the questions about himself seemed to indicate an interesting, thinking individual. I sent him a "wink." A message (that doesn't cost the sender anything, as opposed to sending a message that I'd type - that costs a buck) which says, "Hey, I like what I see. I'm interested." What's really cool is that he responded with a message that cost him a buck. He gave me his email address and we began to correspond.

Scott Brown is 22 years old; works as a baker at a Jewel grocery store; is into theatre - and just auditioned for a "Buffyesque" TV series. He has shown me just enough of himself to keep me interested - and I think about him a lot. We have made chat contact via Yahoo Messenger. His schedule is such that I don't see him online much at all, and it takes him several days, usually, between contact from him. It keeps me intrigued.

I almost met Scott when I was in Chicago, recently (to help Mom and Dad pack up, and to move Rob). We were trying to get together in Chicago, but his schedule just didn't work out. But what gets me about his communication is that he is polite, courteous, well-written, mature. What gets me about his (admittedly out-of-focus) pictures is that he has long, straight, brown hair and girly features. Pretty.

Of course, my mind has filled in the holes in his personal information; and he has now become my latest Fantasty Boy. I am trying not to take the fantasy too far - I've no need for that. But I do wonder and pray about how this boy might fit into my future: He in Germantown, me in College Station but with plans to move to Portland; me wondering if I might end up in Chicago, instead, to try to make a life with him. I find myself weighing two dreams against each other: dream of Portland vs. dream of boyfriend. The dream of boyfriend is much older than the dream of Portland. Dream of boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean that I have to move to Chicago. The dreams might be compatible and not have to be put up against one another, of course. But at this point, I don't know how or if they will go together.

Last night, after chatting with Scott, I sent an email suggesting that I'd like to talk on the phone and asking him if he'd like to do that. Since my timeline for getting to Portland is something in the vicinity of six months, I really want to find out if his interest in me (and mine in him, for that matter) is anything substantial.

This is fun.

This is a pain.

This isn't excruciating, yet.